The Dreamer

I gaze upon the silver
and gold boutique of stars
growing in the sky
as night falls blanketing
everything in shadow.

Lovely is the grays
and blacks of the
passing face of the
full moons glowing

The stars flirt with
its dusty groom as
the seasons dance with
change upon a midnight

Dreams of spring
shatter like glass
spewing its beams into
the past leaving
beams of memories
fading fast.

A watchful eye like
a dreaming flower
its wishes lie within
its roots waiting for you
to open your mind.

Such things are true
that live within
a dreaming mind.

© 2019 By Amanda D Shelton



Stand by me and
my convictions
of woes.

A memorial of depression
and disease, hopefully
that’s not how you will
remember me.

I rise above the suffering
of my humanity and discomfort.

I fight for contentment
and stability.

Remember me as a typhoon,
I caused change and
I healed my own wound’s
with the power of knowledge
and society.

God blessed me with
intelligence and will.

These are my written
testimonials of
my personal struggles.

I thank you for visiting,
may you take my blessings
and share them with the world.

© By Amanda D Shelton

A New Drawing

Hello my beautiful Bat Brats,

I just finished a new drawing and wanted to share it with you. I submitted it to my DeviantArt profile. You can visit the site by clicking the drawing.

Pink Rose

Dystonia Sucks

If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it is a duck or a hallucination of a duck. You’ve gone quakers. By Amanda D Shelton I suffer from reality too just like you.

Hello my beautiful Bat Brats,

I had a Dystonia attack today. I am still having problems with my neck arms and legs twitching. I had severe back pain yesterday and usually the pain follows with a Dystonia attack the day after. I am still learning how the Dystonia works. Though, I finished a drawing a few days ago. Here’s the picture.

So I had a Dystonia attack. Seany came over while I was having the attack to help me. Joyce was here too. Boo tried to help too. My fur baby cares so much about me, she tries to tell everyone I need help and she walks around like a nurse maid telling everyone what to do to help her ma. I never had a cat that loves me like that. She’s very smart. She told Joyce about my attack before it fully started by staring at her and meowing. She sat beside my chair and watched me. She even sat on the couch with Seany and watched me until it passed. Now she’s resting. I am too. I have a headache though. The attacks always leave me with a headache. I have to take a pain pill and drink a energy drink to help fight the headaches. What’s worse is that I hate the energy drinks now because I relate the taste to nausea and pain. But it’s the only thing that works. I tried coffee but it gives me cluster headaches which are also called suicide headaches. I would rather have a migraine than cluster headache. Also, I’ve had a pain above my right eye since I was a very young kid. Doctor’s don’t understand what it is but they can see it on my MRIs. It’s in the frontal lobe. I’ve gotten use to it but the headaches worsen the pain. I remember when the pain got worse and never left, I was 5 years old and I suffered a unknown sickness that caused a fever of 200.5° and higher. I almost died. They gave me a spinal tap but couldn’t figure out what happened. The symptoms slowly got better. I remember that my mom had to hold me down so the doctor could do the spinal tap. We found out that anesthesia doesn’t work on me, that day. I have woken up while the doctor was cutting me open once. At the dentist I don’t go under when they give me the shot either, instead I start talking and twitching. It’s very scary. I can’t use normal anesthesia. It takes a lot to put me to sleep. I also have tacky cardiac, that’s when your cardio goes very high and low instead of being steady. I’ve had to stay an hour after doctor’s appointments because my cardio went very high and then down really low. I could have a stroke if it doesn’t stable out. I don’t mind though, I would rather be at the doctor’s if I have an emergency.

My beautiful Bat Brats, please pray for me? 🙏 I need the support. ❤️🌹 I hope you are having a better day than I. I hope you are blessed and healthy. Be the awesome Bat Brats you are meant to be. You are all my lovely Bat Brats. ❤️ 🦇 Thank you for visiting my blog. I am very grateful.

“Live bold and brave for life is too short to always be afraid.” By Amanda D Shelton

Hello Alice

The wall stands tall,
covered in roses choking
its mortar and stabbing
enemies before they reach
the boarder. Though
I don’t have many.

My domain is lit by
candlelight and my
windows are open
only at night.
Though I dream of
the sunlight warming
my face, I will never
be able to enjoy it’s
beautiful sun kissed grin
or its kissing beams
of a blushing beauty.

I am like the rarest gem,
you might never meet
one as rare as me, for
my personality is 00.2%
of society.

My intelligence is above
the average score for a genius,
200 and beyond. Who knows
it might have grown.

I can’t brag about it
because it’s not all
fun and games when
your awareness breaks
the stage.

I am always in a ponder,
wondering in the wilderness
of my brain.

Hello Alice, said the
rabbit as I fall down
the whole, insanity
follows me like a shadow
hopping behind every
step I make.

© 2019 By Amanda D Shelton

Rememberable Pain

Breathe they say.
Think, why don’t you?

It’s like a lost breath,
it chokes you until
you are reminded of
your place.

Like a weed it
grows upon your
grave, a memory
of your pain before
you lay down within
its frame.

The dirt piles up
within your brain,
as you chew on its
fibers left behind
for you to grind
and favor.

No one will starve
if we ate mindfulness
and drank the stars
as they fall like rain
drops around us.

Mindfulness likes to
play, as love stands
bravely, and boldness
is a breath away.

Save us! from the pain.

© 2019 By Amanda D Shelton

Seasons Change

The slow setting sun
shimmied off its fading
beams, as the night
creeped upon the
seasons change.

Shadows danced upon the
clouds as rain soaked
the hollow, hydrating
the roots of the trees.

Perfumed memories of
yesterday’s beams lost
on the cooling breeze
as the leafs of change
fall upon my dreams.

© 2019 By Amanda D Shelton

A Stronger Foundation

I fought the dragons
of my life,I allowed them
to tear at my heart
for the way it feels.

My foundation was once
made from sand and mud,
but now I am rebuilding it
with stone, brick,
and mortar.

The strength will start
from the base, slowly
working up to the beams,
then the walls.

The furnishings come last, starting simple, giving me somewhere to lay my head.

Now’s the time to
bake the bread,
feed myself and
live my life
the best I can.

Happiness starts with
letting go of your needs
to control, for life
was here before you were
known to the world.

Life moves on its own,
we just follow it’s
orbital pull. It will
keep moving forward
without you.

It’s important to remember,
the only thing you have
control over is your
own design, it was given
to you at birth.

This tapestry you call life,
it’s waiting for you to
pick up the needle and thread
and for you to start
designing your life.

© 2019 By Amanda D Shelton

Hello my beautiful Bat Brats,

I want to be personal with you. I don’t always share my personal life online like I am doing now anymore. I usually share positive things. I think it’s time that I start asking for your support. I have been struggling with my relationship with my boyfriend and I have allowed him to manipulate me and it caused me to stop being myself. I have been posting my poetry and artwork but I quit sharing my life. Sean, has used my network to abuse me and I became afraid that he would do it again. He is manipulative and abusive. It has caused me to shut down. I even stopped chatting with the Goth community. When those are my friends and family. I have isolated myself because of the abuse. I need to stop isolating myself. I need to rise above this instead of allowing it to push me down. I have a business and people who care about me to think about. I need to step out of my bubble I built. Sean, can be a bad guy somewhere else. My God gave me you guys and strength. I should build my foundation. No more being stupid in love. Life is too short to always be afraid.

I worked so hard to get where I am today. I fought Dystonia , brain surgery, mental illness, and health conditions. I almost died many times but I am not ready to leave you. I have more things to do with my life. If Seany wants to be part of it then he will stop being selfish and self-centered and come as he is. Until then I am here to blog and give you guys a view into my life. I am a unique person with a lot to give. I have my limits and I am still learning my boundaries. I never had my own space before so it’s hard for me to build it. I didn’t get to experience the outside world like most people. I am never going to. I am okay with that. I have a lot more things to do. I am waiting for the weather to cool down so I can get out more. The heat is hurting me. I am dealing with relationship issues too. Seany has trust issues. He also has addictions and mental health problems. I am learning how to let him go. I can’t please him, I shouldn’t have to. Love isn’t about how much you can give someone. Love is about the stuff in between giving. Love is not about pleasing others. If you love someone you wouldn’t expect anything from them expect for them to prosper and be safe. Love isn’t about how much you have or give. It should never be measured for it is not possible to weigh. Love is weightless and can be very beautiful. It’s like a beautiful scenery, you feel it pulling on you, it can cause your heart to flutter and beat faster. It can cause you to act like a fool. That’s why it’s important to remember that it’s not your responsibility to make others feel good. Feelings are personal experiences and the only thing you are responsible for is how you express yourself. If someone tells you they love you but they tell you how horrible you are if you don’t give them what they want, that’s abusive. It is manipulative of your feelings and it’s wrong. That type of manipulation damages your self-esteem. You don’t need that. Your life is worth more than that. You should love yourself. I have learned over the years life should be in balance.

My list for keeping the balance:

  1. God comes first
  2. Myself
  3. Family
  4. Friends
  5. Have fun
  6. Live the best life you can.
  7. Don’t expect anything.
  8. Let go of the past for life never moves backwards. Only look back to reflect never use it as a knife. It can cut you if you don’t let it be.
  9. Remember you are worthy of love. We all are.
  10. Be proud not prideful. Being proud of yourself can be a good thing but pride can cause a bloated head. We all are learning, and we have limits.
  11. Try to keep a balance between your job and personal life. Don’t allow your personal life to effect your job and don’t allow your job to effect your personal life.
  12. Take breaks so you can think straight.
  13. Don’t rush. Life is always there so you can catch up if you end up behind.
  14. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

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