The Unfair Visitor (Migraine)

I hate migraines.
They don’t tell you
when they are coming,
and they never knock.

Instead you get an unwanted visitor
who is rude, loud, and causes pain.

It’s not fair
Who’d want that kind of visitor
coming again? 

Stupid migraine! 

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton 

I Am Fighting Life (Quote and definition of The Shady Rose)

“I always proof myself by defying all the odds. I am more than just a shady rose. I am a black rose amungest the red roses. ” © 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I posted this first on Twitter @GothicMuse1

Definition Of The Shady Rose

The Shady Rose is a metaphor for lier’s, dishonesty, and shady affair’s of some people.

I have been used many times throughout my life because I am a nice person and I don’t judge people. Sometimes I come across weak so there some people who think it’s okay to use me. When in the end they are surprised to find out how wrong they are. I am not weak, or weak minded. I am actually very strong welled and open minded. I also give others a chance. I try to see good in all things. I have learned that love can’t change someone else or make them what I want them to be. Love is how I feel towards them nothing more. Also I never let my feelings control my decisions. If I feel uncomfortable I will leave or I will face the situation by looking for a way to deal with my feeling of discomfort. I am known to speak bluntly, and I am not shy. Most people I know find me to be very honest and they say they wish I had my strangth or they wished I didn’t suffer so much pain. People have also told me how they think I am a merical and they look up to me. I use to tell my mom that I have a very big responsibility for being a advocate for everyone else. Doesn’t matter what you suffer from or your struggles. If I can live through brain surgery and chronic illnesses so can the world. Boop! I have something inside of me that some people don’t have. It is my will to fight and to live, to move forward no matter the size of the mountains in front of me. I always climb and I always find the top and I glide down my Mountains with ease and skill because I have learned how to fly.

I have always considered myself as a philosopher, I use to talk to my mom until 1 o’clock in the morning. I was only seven years old then. I would talk about the brain and how I thought how it function’s. I would say that I knew why I am different from everyone else, it is because of my awareness. I have a higher awareness than most people have. My brain is always mapping out the details of my surroundings. I don’t forget what I experienced either. I think that that’s what makes my IQ results unfair. Just because I remember more and understand things quicker doesn’t make me smarter. I find myself to the fool in most situations. Specially when it comes to my emotions. I am not very quick in feeling something before I respond. So when I do act upon a feeling I am slow to respond. It can confuse me if I end up crying because I am not someone who cry’s for no reason. Usually something has to touch my heart very deeply for me to feel like crying. Like my pain. I don’t usually cry over my pain. I can even talk through a migraine. And I have ocular migraines. Those are very rare and I have an even more rare type where it can parolize my face, hands, or tongue. I have sat in the hospital talking to the doctor about what I am going through while I am having a migraine. It is how I deal. I have learned how to control some of my pain by breathing techniques and talking myself out of the pain. I have done laughing yoga before too. I taught a yoga class laughing yoga and basic meditation. My class is still being ran by the clinic I started the yoga class with. Everyone who know me knows what I fight. Even I am amazed at myself today. The doctor’s told my family and myself I would never be able to live a normal life. I wouldn’t be able to work, drive, read, and write. Hey but look at me now. I am blogging, I am living a almost normal life, I can speed read and remember 100% of what I read. I even proved myself by getting brain surgery so I can live my life the way I choose. I never wanted to be rich or famous instead I wanted independence. I prayed to God he would find me away that I can live with my illnesses but still live my own adventure. So he gave me the internet and my family. I looked for two years online for answers. How do I concur Dystonia? The answer came the day I told my family I am giving up finding an answer, I am letting God handle it. I don’t care anymore. So my mom and stepdad prayed with me that night. The next morning I woke with a feeling that I needed to check my email. When I couldn’t figure out why because I usually checked my email around the afternoon. But it was pulling on me so much I ended up checking my email to find the first email I had was from a website I am still a member of today. It was an advertisement about a rare surgical procedure called (DBS) Deep Brain Stimulator. Usually used in Parkinson’s disease patiences but there were trails for using it on Dystonia patience like myself. I gave the email to my mom. After six months I was laying in the operation room waiting for the surgery. The whole thing was amazing because it went by so quickly without any problems. So for six years after I was living my dream. I was running, cleaning, babysitting, and living on my own. Today I am sick again but it’s not the Dystonia that causes me problems. I found out I have muscle dystrophy. “Myotonic muscular dystrophy is the most common form of adult-onset muscular dystrophy. Facial and neck muscles are usually the first to be affected. Facioscapulohumeral (FSHD). Muscle weakness typically begins in the face and shoulders.” I didn’t know I had this until the doctor told me. I went for testing because I was wanting to understand what is happening to me. Why did I divelop chronic pain syndrome and why am I getting weaker. I can barely lift myself from a chair anymore. I get sweaty when I do too much activity. I never use to sweat. I even thought maybe my hormones where out of wack. That came back normal. Though my muscle conduction test came back abnormal. I had two different doctors trying to figure out what they were hearing and seeing on the computer. I asked them what was wrong. They said it is an anomaly. You could hear how my muscles won’t quit moving. Which is odd because Dystonia makes the muscle to contact. My muscle do both contract but also twitch and cramp but never relax. I never had this problem before. Also the Dystonia never weakened my abilities to get up from a chair. Usually I can’t set down in a chair. I end up moving and contorting every time I try setting in a upright seated chair. I have to recline to be able to set down without contorting. I am still learning how to deal with my illnesses. I think it is just a life time adventure that makes it interesting. I am also learning new things about life and science because of my research into the biology of the mind and body. I probably could write a book. I am thinking about working on putting together my poetry and getting it published. I am in progress researching how to do that.

I hope you all the best. Be blessed and love your neighbor’s without judgement. Plus it’s none of your business what anyone else is doing. Just remember this, you are the only one and thing you will take with you when you die. Your neighbor’s have nothing to do with your choices. Also how would you feel if someone judged you and told you how horrible you are, because you don’t live your life the way they think you should? Maybe you should look at yourself before you judge someone else?

Live long and prosper my friend. Love as hard as you are able, and live life as if you are dying. Because the reality is we all are slowly dying. It is life. Live it well.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Nerve Pain

You cling to me like cellophane,
wrapping yourself around myself
with your electric forked tongue,
as you drag each of my neurons
out into the world; exposed they are,
as I am left to feel their nakedness and chills.
I feel their bite and electric fields.
their pain has become my friend.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Climate Change

You watched me grow,
my colors shined like diamonds,
but you forgot about me.
You forgot how fragile I can be,
now I have fallen at your feet,
yet you can’t see me.

My tides break, My shores quake,
and my coral fray washing away
with the waves.

Climate change can be a serious thing,
it’s up to you how it changes.

You think you’re so small?
You think you don’t cause change?
Oh how ignorant you are,
you are too blind to see,
you even effect me.

Just because you can’t see something
doesn’t change if that something is real.
Just because you can’t feel something
doesn’t make it less physical.

You think you are insignificant?
Then look closer at your life,
for even now
you’re affecting your surroundings
just by being here.

Is that not the point to living;
to experience and grow with
those experiences?

Well I am serious
we need to make a change.

Our Earth needs us to wake up
and take notice of what we need to do
to help her to keep growing
and stop life from dying.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Visual Poem ( A Beating Life Lived Hard)

A Beating Life Lived Hard Poem

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I made the owl awhile back. I decided to use it for the poem because it goes so well with the subject of the poem. I put “don’t quit” on the owls belly. 😊

Happiness 

Happiness is not a condition,
Happiness is not a journey,
Happiness is not something that just is,
Happiness can not be given.

Happiness is a choice,
Happiness is part of the journey,
Happiness is welcomed,
but only you can open the door.

Happiness is waiting for you;
like your shadow, it is always there
but you don’t notice it until you look down.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Love & Struggles

One day it hit,
You can feel it pounding,
beating at your door.

Sometimes it aches,
other times it quakes
it leaves creaks in the wall.

Sometimes it brings flowers,
other times it brings garbage,
it also leaves heartache,
and dirt on the floor.

It leaves clothes lying
on the floor,
leaves keys hanging
from the door,
but never forgets your name,
or your favorite color.

It can choke, scratch,
and scares you for life.

You will never be alone
as long as love is there
for you to hold
all through the night.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

A Silent Mind Never Writes 

In the silence of the night
I am found writing down
my thoughts.

When all is quite my mind is yelling,
begging me to write.

So I write poetry all night.

For a silent mind never writes,
I do not have a quite mind.

I scrach and smear my ink
across this bolg,
I am not shy;
I love to share my ink
with the world when all
sleeps silently and sweat.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton 


A Note To My Heart (He Knows Who He Is)

My love doesn’t change
just because the one
I fell in love with hurts me.

What changes is my
trust in the person.

Trust is simple, elegant,
and a strong emotion.

What’s not simple is how trust
is gained, being silant,
crule,and rude doesn’t
prove you are trustworthy.

You gain trust by being open,
mindful, and selfless.

Judging someone doesn’t prove
you are trustworthy either.

How do you know if your judgements
are correct?
How would you feel if someone judged you?

You need to look at yourself first
before looking at someone else.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

This is a letter to my love Seany.
I hope he understands what he has done is bad. I hope he decides to change not for me but for himself. I love him no matter his faults. I just can’t handle the situation he has caused. I shouldn’t have to. I need to take care of myself first.

This Is An Update 

          I am not sure how to start this post so I will just tell you what I want to say.

           I consider myself very honest, up front, sometimes I can be blunt. I don’t know what others think, I don’t care to try to understand what they think. I don’t have enemies because I don’t make them. I have had bullies from high school come to me to apologise for their behavior year’s after we graduated. They told me they found me brave and strong because I never bullied them back. I actually told them I am sorry for their problems and I will pray for their piece of mind at my church on Sunday. I am glad I did because some of those people turned out to be very good people. I knew they would because I knew even when I was seven years old, that everyone is capable of being more than what they believe they are capable of being because we create who we are by using our thoughts, which comes with beliefs, views, and behavior. Also I have never judged others because I don’t know how to. I also was taught by church that God will do that I have no grounds to judge another. I would rather write a poem, blog, or draw. So when I am judged as being a cheater, a dishonest person by a boyfriend or a friend, my other friends and family members would say they are having problems if they judge me like that. Also I know a lot of people. I have collected friends over the years because I am not shy. I also never had secrets nor would I ever care too. Everyone knows who I am once they meet me. I don’t keep myself tucked under a rock. Like my counselor’s told me I am very transparent you can see right through me. I don’t block anyone out because if I did I would not be alive, I wouldn’t have gotten so far in my life if I held back my feelings and thoughts. I am disabled and I have always understood what helps me. Just like you, if you broke an arm how would you get help? Would you cry for help or lay on the floor in pain? I don’t like pain, even though the doctor’s say I have a higher talerance to pain because I have been in pain since I was around nine years old. My pain made me stronger but I had no choice to fight. There is something inside me that makes me want to keep going forward doesn’t matter how hard the road is to travel. I will climb if I have to, with my pain I still get through to the end. To me pain is not part of life’s baggage, I believe pain is part of the journey. Why else does life have pain? No one has immunity to pain. There are rare disorders that cause people to not feel physical pain but they still have the ability to have emotional pain. What I have learned with the experiences I have had is how to be more transparent and open. That’s part of the reason I started a blog. I am glad I did because I have seen and read other blogs that inspired me to keep writing and to become more diverse with my blog. I am always open to learning new things. That’s why I post about coffee, my artwork, and updates of my life. You don’t just get poetry from this blog. I am too much of a philosopher to stick to just one topic. Though I do post more poetry than anything else because that’s my main interest always has beenbut I also understand that not everyone likes my interests, I want followers that are diverse like I am; so I share many different types of post’s. I am very grateful for all my followers and those who click on the like button on my blog. You guys are awesome because my blog would be a tiny unknown blog if it wasn’t for you. I also love WordPress the software is awesome and great. If I could I would show my respect for WordPress and all of my followers by giving more than just post’s. But I am doing my best with what I have. I have also learned to love myself and that helped me to be happy with what I have now. I appreciate everything I have.

I hope you are blessed as I am blessed.

“My mom left her legacy behind by installing her strangths and beliefs in me. I will uphold what she taught me by sharing myself with you. That’s what my mom would want me to do. She always was proud of me no matter my faults. She knew my flaws are what make me strong.”

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton