Depression Is…

The ghost of depression
will always haunt me,
it follows me today
until the end of yesterday.

It reminds me of my fault’s,
it calls without living it’s name,
it scares deeply,
saying sorry but still recalling.

It’s deep, dark, thick,
and suffocating.

Depression is a black hole
waiting on the outskirts
of the universe,
to consume happiness.

Depression never lets go,
it chockes you,
it burns your dreams,
it suffocates you with its
pitch black mood.

In the end its up to you
to keep fighting.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

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The Perfect Anxiety Attack 

Breathe you say,
slowly you say,
calm you say.

Instead the drumming begins,
a rush of fear consumes me,
each ear opens wide to hear
the rushing blood pressure
pumping through my senses.

Heart beats turn into heartache,
drumlins turn into orchestras,
pumping blood turns into rivers
of pressure pulsating
through my body.

Fear over taking
each move I make.
Anxiety came down like
a house of matches,
burning foundation’s
of functional wall’s,
once stood tall and strong
now crumbles to nothing.

How perfect is that,
an anxiety attack.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

I once suffered from severe anxiety. I have learned how to deal with situations that can cause me to have anxiety attacks. I am glad I did. I am free from Anxiety Attacks, for four years now.

 

Bruised Heart Lost Its Flow

My heart is sore,
it’s hard for me to breathe
at times.

You seem not to care
sometimes,
I don’t understand your need
for more,
or your need to push
and bully.

Life never slows down for you,
life never speeds up for you,
you have to go in the direction life chose for you.

Once you stop fighting it’s flow,
life will seem easier,
and more precious then ever before.

Life trys to teach you patience,
it trys teaching you how to grow,
but it is up to you where you go.

I am always behind you,
never do you put my needs
to the front of the line.

You act as if you think life should stop for you, as if you don’t have time.

You have more than you know my friend, you have more than most do.

You don’t even have to work for a dime,
or wait for others to take care of you.

You don’t seem to notice
all the time I have given to us.

You seem to notice everything
you think you lack,
instead of remembering
all our good times
we’ve had.

I wish I could open your eyes
show you everything you have.

I think it wouldn’t matter to you though
because you hardly see past
your nose.

Half of the time,
I don’t know if I can trust you,
I don’t know if I should.

Should I be questioning myself
or should I let you go?

It’s hard sometimes.

My heart is sore,
and my mind is tired.

I think you don’t care,
you only see yourself in such times like these.

All I can do is pray for you,
while I am on my knees
crying for you.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

“I pray for my heart that he will come back to me. I pray he stops judging me. I pray he finds peace.”  

Life’s Destination

All this that is left of me,
is debris of what happened to me.
I chose to pick up the pieces,
glue together what I can.

Life, life is not all suffering through.
Life is beautiful,
it can mold and shape you.

It can carry you beyond
your wildest dreams,
it can cause you to
move and grow.

Life is beautiful,
it becomes what you define it,
it pushes you to your limits.

It can strengthen or break you.

It all depends on your mind
and definition.
It depends on your reaction
and direction.

Life can divide you in two,
or keep you together
like grapes on the vine.

It’s all up to you.

How will you define your life?
Will you allow it to make you
or break you?

I decided year’s ago,
I will be who I choose to be.
No one else but myself
can make me who I am meant to be.

I am, my own destination.

© 2017 Amanda Shelton | @WeatheredPoetry on Tumblr.

Structure Of Broken Love

It’s sad to be judged
by the love of your life.

You wouldn’t think
that someone you love
could do anything like that.

Because love isn’t mean,
love isn’t boastful,
love isn’t a lie,
love isn’t a beautiful day,
love isn’t a fairy tale,
love isn’t a glass slipper.

Love is complicated,
love is hard,
love is painful,
love is gooy, oozing all the time,
love is scratchy,
love is wakey,
love is full of it,
love is pushy,
love is never changing.

It is the person who uses it,
who makes it,
forms it,
sculpt it into
a piece of art,
sometimes they use
the wrong glue
so it falls apart.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Expressing My Write

Every poem that I write
is a testimony of what I fight.

illness,
life,
struggle,
and strife
these are the things I fight.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Fighting Insanity

One moment you are standing
in the mist,
the next you are setting
in a padded room.

You can hear scratching
from old memories
running through your mind,
reminding you of old times.

You start to fade,
black and white,
the static comes through,
now voices are calling you,
but from where?

You find yourself having tea
with your shadow,
it reminds you,
you forgot your shoes.

Looking down you see
your bare feet
and then the floor begins to move,
as your feet grow farther away,
anxiety set’s in.

Heart beating fast,
faster still,
you feel like running
but you can’t move.

You’re stiff as a tree,
you look down again
and you find your are a tree.

You go from a rooted bed
to a rooted pot,
so tight you feel like
you are chocking
on dirt felled air.

All this time you’ve been asleep,
dreaming you are
fighting with insanity.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I use to hear voices and have this same exact exceptance when I was younger. One difference though I wasn’t dreaming or asleep. The mind is a very powerful tool. I had to learn how to deal with my life and physical illness. Trust me you would feel the same if you slowly lost your ability to move and control your body. Once I learned how to deal with my anxiety the voices started to leave and I quite having this experience. I am glad I got through. I am grateful to be an adult. I always wanted responsibility. It feels so good to finally have what I wanted. Responsibility and my own home. I have been living on my own for seven years now. Yay! for me.