Love Can Be Hard 

I am not heartless,
life just taught me
to use my heart less.

I don’t always allow my heart
to make choices for me.

Life is saddened by love,
because when those
you care about die,
it hurts more than
if they were a stranger.

That’s why I always say,
love is not a happy journey
where the sun always shines.

It can be a barren landscape
wasting away with fattened pigs,
and chickens who lost their feathers.

Love can burn like the hot sun
in the Mojave Desert.

It can drink your blood
until you’re ready to pop.
Leaving you to die
from a broken heart.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

“I thought I should share this poem before I lose my inspiration to write it down. I have been through a lot this year. It is but a poem and I know some will be able to relate to it. I am not always an emotional person so to allow my feelings to make my choices isn’t a normal reaction I have. It would have to be a very deep emotion for that to happen, love is one.”

Fighting Insanity

One moment you are standing
in the mist,
the next you are setting
in a padded room.

You can hear scratching
from old memories
running through your mind,
reminding you of old times.

You start to fade,
black and white,
the static comes through,
now voices are calling you,
but from where?

You find yourself having tea
with your shadow,
it reminds you,
you forgot your shoes.

Looking down you see
your bare feet
and then the floor begins to move,
as your feet grow farther away,
anxiety set’s in.

Heart beating fast,
faster still,
you feel like running
but you can’t move.

You’re stiff as a tree,
you look down again
and you find your are a tree.

You go from a rooted bed
to a rooted pot,
so tight you feel like
you are chocking
on dirt felled air.

All this time you’ve been asleep,
dreaming you are
fighting with insanity.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I use to hear voices and have this same exact exceptance when I was younger. One difference though I wasn’t dreaming or asleep. The mind is a very powerful tool. I had to learn how to deal with my life and physical illness. Trust me you would feel the same if you slowly lost your ability to move and control your body. Once I learned how to deal with my anxiety the voices started to leave and I quite having this experience. I am glad I got through. I am grateful to be an adult. I always wanted responsibility. It feels so good to finally have what I wanted. Responsibility and my own home. I have been living on my own for seven years now. Yay! for me.