I Started A Web Store (Bat Brat Mandy)

Hello Bat Brat’s,

This is an update, I have been working hard past few days. I started a web store here’s the link to Bat Brat Mandy. I have already uploaded some merchandise to the store.

You can click on the picture below to view my store.

I will be making more artwork to add to the store, so please feel free to check it out.

I am working on a Gothic themed piece to add to the store as well.



On another note, I am having problems with my pain management. Medical trys their best to cause me more pain by not expecting my doctor’s subscriptions for my pain medication. Oh but they don’t have any problems giving me my muscle relaxers or antibiotics that almost killed me (drug allergies suck). Also my pain Specialist caused this trouble. All because he wanted me to lock up my medication. I can’t afford a lockbox like he wants. I think he doesn’t understand what being poor means. He said they are cheap. How is 35 dollars cheap? Maybe he’s never been without before? I don’t know.

Movie on…

I am hoping I have a better day today than yesterday. I have been suffering with migraines again. I love the weather, it’s been raining off and on this whole month. That’s probably why I have been suffering with migraines lately though. I guess that’s life. You get what you get.

Hugs to you all and blessings from your Mandy. I hope you are all well.

Boop!

© 2018 By Amanda D Shelton

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Good Gothic morning,

How are you my beautiful Bat Brat’s? This post is going to be about updates and a few knowledgeable quotes.

Update from Gothic Realms Amanda Shelton’s life

Welcome to my domain Bat Brat’s. I am feeling better today. I have been doing a lot more than usual past month because of the holidays. Yesterday my body finally settled into the pain of doing a bit more activity. Today I am not so bad. I am able to set in my chair and write this post. That’s pretty good compared to yesterday where I couldn’t even get up without crying in pain. I should say moaning like a ghost who lost her mind. Today that pain is the ghost. 👻 Hahahaha! Boo!

I got blood test results from my pain Specialist too. It says I have inflammation in my blood. From unknown sources. I think it’s the fibromyalgia and the cyst’s I carry through out my body. I have autoamun deseas so that is another source of inflammation.

Living With A Monster (Addiction)

I have a boyfriend who is living with a monster inside his head (addiction). I call the deseas of addiction a monster because I grew up with my family who suffers from the deseas. It was like living with Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde, you never knew when Mr Hyde would pop in for a visit. Now I am with a man who suffers from the deseas. I am learning how to be strong and not try to control the situation. I have learned a very hard lesson. You can’t change or control an addict. Only the addict can control his or her own behavior by admitting and then excepting their deseas. I had to let him deal with his behavior and stop blaming myself. I set boundaries that I didn’t have before with him. I have to be selfless by letting him go. We are still together but there has been a lot of changes to our relationship because of this monster he carries inside of himself. When he forgets its there that’s when it shows its true nature. I have learned not to forget that the monster is always going to be part of our lives. I have also learned how to love myself and protect myself from future damages from the monster. We have support now because I know from my past that no one can deal with the monster of addiction alone. That’s why there is AA, NA, and other types of support groups. I grew up with AA, and NA being a constant support for my mom and brother as well as for myself. I am the only one who doesn’t suffer from the deseas of addiction in my family. I am and was too sick to care about doing drug’s, drinking, or anything else but dealing with my own monsters (mental illness, rare movement disorder, and chronic allergies). I guess having autism also gave me a different way of thinking because I do believe it is the reason I don’t have an addiction. My brain functions differently than yours. I did try smoking it didn’t make me want to keep doing it. I wanted to throw up instead. Same with alcohol, after one glass I am over the toilet seat and my stomach in the toilet. I am allergic to alcohol. I found out when I was younger. Yuck! 😷



“To love someone who suffers from addiction, you have to be able to see past their monster. Grrr!”

– Amanda D Shelton



“Don’t become the problem, instead become stronger by being honest to yourself. You can’t change or control addiction, you can only learn how to live with the monster. Also don’t blame yourself for the addicts behavior. Take responsibility for yourself not the addict. Learn how to love yourself.”

– Amanda D Shelton



” The hardest lesson addiction has taught me, is how to stand up for my own happiness. By not opening the door when my gut tells me I should run.”

– Amanda D Shelton



© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

To My Best Friend

I try so hard to be the best
person I can.

I am honest, kind, and straight to the point.

I know I can’t please everyone,
I also know that people
can be craul, and callous,
set in their ways.

I have always been the shadow,
and you the wall.
I am always there
but you seem not to care.
You stiffen and become cold,
under the slightest pressure,
you crumble under the gentlest touch.

I am like a flower,
my roots are planted firmly where I live, yet you still try placing your weed’s in my bed.

Sometimes I feel chocked by your
pushy weed’s stealing my seeds.

I am so small sometimes,
I feel like a whisper in the wind,
instead of a mighty Rawwr!

You have pushed me to the side,
like an unwanted enemy
ready to charge.

When I have no weapons
nor do I pose a threat.

All I want is to live in harmony
with you and my life.

I guess you and I
are not on the same page,
you still need time to grow
and find your way.

I am patient,
I know how to wait,
I have been waiting most of my life.

You mean a lot to me,
I understand that
we don’t always see eye to eye,
but that’s not what is important.

If we weren’t individuals
life would be boarding
it would be to common
and useless for us to keep learning.

Why the sad face?
Why do you keep running?

Life isn’t going anywhere my friend.
I will always be here waiting
for you to return.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

Depression Is…

The ghost of depression
will always haunt me,
it follows me today
until the end of yesterday.

It reminds me of my fault’s,
it calls without living it’s name,
it scares deeply,
saying sorry but still recalling.

It’s deep, dark, thick,
and suffocating.

Depression is a black hole
waiting on the outskirts
of the universe,
to consume happiness.

Depression never lets go,
it chockes you,
it burns your dreams,
it suffocates you with its
pitch black mood.

In the end its up to you
to keep fighting.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

The Perfect Anxiety Attack 

Breathe you say,
slowly you say,
calm you say.

Instead the drumming begins,
a rush of fear consumes me,
each ear opens wide to hear
the rushing blood pressure
pumping through my senses.

Heart beats turn into heartache,
drumlins turn into orchestras,
pumping blood turns into rivers
of pressure pulsating
through my body.

Fear over taking
each move I make.
Anxiety came down like
a house of matches,
burning foundation’s
of functional wall’s,
once stood tall and strong
now crumbles to nothing.

How perfect is that,
an anxiety attack.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

I once suffered from severe anxiety. I have learned how to deal with situations that can cause me to have anxiety attacks. I am glad I did. I am free from Anxiety Attacks, for four years now.

 

Bruised Heart Lost Its Flow

My heart is sore,
it’s hard for me to breathe
at times.

You seem not to care
sometimes,
I don’t understand your need
for more,
or your need to push
and bully.

Life never slows down for you,
life never speeds up for you,
you have to go in the direction life chose for you.

Once you stop fighting it’s flow,
life will seem easier,
and more precious then ever before.

Life trys to teach you patience,
it trys teaching you how to grow,
but it is up to you where you go.

I am always behind you,
never do you put my needs
to the front of the line.

You act as if you think life should stop for you, as if you don’t have time.

You have more than you know my friend, you have more than most do.

You don’t even have to work for a dime,
or wait for others to take care of you.

You don’t seem to notice
all the time I have given to us.

You seem to notice everything
you think you lack,
instead of remembering
all our good times
we’ve had.

I wish I could open your eyes
show you everything you have.

I think it wouldn’t matter to you though
because you hardly see past
your nose.

Half of the time,
I don’t know if I can trust you,
I don’t know if I should.

Should I be questioning myself
or should I let you go?

It’s hard sometimes.

My heart is sore,
and my mind is tired.

I think you don’t care,
you only see yourself in such times like these.

All I can do is pray for you,
while I am on my knees
crying for you.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

“I pray for my heart that he will come back to me. I pray he stops judging me. I pray he finds peace.”  

Love Can Be Hard 

I am not heartless,
life just taught me
to use my heart less.

I don’t always allow my heart
to make choices for me.

Life is saddened by love,
because when those
you care about die,
it hurts more than
if they were a stranger.

That’s why I always say,
love is not a happy journey
where the sun always shines.

It can be a barren landscape
wasting away with fattened pigs,
and chickens who lost their feathers.

Love can burn like the hot sun
in the Mojave Desert.

It can drink your blood
until you’re ready to pop.
Leaving you to die
from a broken heart.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

“I thought I should share this poem before I lose my inspiration to write it down. I have been through a lot this year. It is but a poem and I know some will be able to relate to it. I am not always an emotional person so to allow my feelings to make my choices isn’t a normal reaction I have. It would have to be a very deep emotion for that to happen, love is one.”

Fighting Insanity

One moment you are standing
in the mist,
the next you are setting
in a padded room.

You can hear scratching
from old memories
running through your mind,
reminding you of old times.

You start to fade,
black and white,
the static comes through,
now voices are calling you,
but from where?

You find yourself having tea
with your shadow,
it reminds you,
you forgot your shoes.

Looking down you see
your bare feet
and then the floor begins to move,
as your feet grow farther away,
anxiety set’s in.

Heart beating fast,
faster still,
you feel like running
but you can’t move.

You’re stiff as a tree,
you look down again
and you find your are a tree.

You go from a rooted bed
to a rooted pot,
so tight you feel like
you are chocking
on dirt felled air.

All this time you’ve been asleep,
dreaming you are
fighting with insanity.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I use to hear voices and have this same exact exceptance when I was younger. One difference though I wasn’t dreaming or asleep. The mind is a very powerful tool. I had to learn how to deal with my life and physical illness. Trust me you would feel the same if you slowly lost your ability to move and control your body. Once I learned how to deal with my anxiety the voices started to leave and I quite having this experience. I am glad I got through. I am grateful to be an adult. I always wanted responsibility. It feels so good to finally have what I wanted. Responsibility and my own home. I have been living on my own for seven years now. Yay! for me.