Depression Is…

The ghost of depression
will always haunt me,
it follows me today
until the end of yesterday.

It reminds me of my fault’s,
it calls without living it’s name,
it scares deeply,
saying sorry but still recalling.

It’s deep, dark, thick,
and suffocating.

Depression is a black hole
waiting on the outskirts
of the universe,
to consume happiness.

Depression never lets go,
it chockes you,
it burns your dreams,
it suffocates you with its
pitch black mood.

In the end its up to you
to keep fighting.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

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The Perfect Anxiety Attack 

Breathe you say,
slowly you say,
calm you say.

Instead the drumming begins,
a rush of fear consumes me,
each ear opens wide to hear
the rushing blood pressure
pumping through my senses.

Heart beats turn into heartache,
drumlins turn into orchestras,
pumping blood turns into rivers
of pressure pulsating
through my body.

Fear over taking
each move I make.
Anxiety came down like
a house of matches,
burning foundation’s
of functional wall’s,
once stood tall and strong
now crumbles to nothing.

How perfect is that,
an anxiety attack.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

I once suffered from severe anxiety. I have learned how to deal with situations that can cause me to have anxiety attacks. I am glad I did. I am free from Anxiety Attacks, for four years now.

 

Bruised Heart Lost Its Flow

My heart is sore,
it’s hard for me to breathe
at times.

You seem not to care
sometimes,
I don’t understand your need
for more,
or your need to push
and bully.

Life never slows down for you,
life never speeds up for you,
you have to go in the direction life chose for you.

Once you stop fighting it’s flow,
life will seem easier,
and more precious then ever before.

Life trys to teach you patience,
it trys teaching you how to grow,
but it is up to you where you go.

I am always behind you,
never do you put my needs
to the front of the line.

You act as if you think life should stop for you, as if you don’t have time.

You have more than you know my friend, you have more than most do.

You don’t even have to work for a dime,
or wait for others to take care of you.

You don’t seem to notice
all the time I have given to us.

You seem to notice everything
you think you lack,
instead of remembering
all our good times
we’ve had.

I wish I could open your eyes
show you everything you have.

I think it wouldn’t matter to you though
because you hardly see past
your nose.

Half of the time,
I don’t know if I can trust you,
I don’t know if I should.

Should I be questioning myself
or should I let you go?

It’s hard sometimes.

My heart is sore,
and my mind is tired.

I think you don’t care,
you only see yourself in such times like these.

All I can do is pray for you,
while I am on my knees
crying for you.

© 2017 By Amanda D Shelton

“I pray for my heart that he will come back to me. I pray he stops judging me. I pray he finds peace.”  

Love Can Be Hard 

I am not heartless,
life just taught me
to use my heart less.

I don’t always allow my heart
to make choices for me.

Life is saddened by love,
because when those
you care about die,
it hurts more than
if they were a stranger.

That’s why I always say,
love is not a happy journey
where the sun always shines.

It can be a barren landscape
wasting away with fattened pigs,
and chickens who lost their feathers.

Love can burn like the hot sun
in the Mojave Desert.

It can drink your blood
until you’re ready to pop.
Leaving you to die
from a broken heart.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

“I thought I should share this poem before I lose my inspiration to write it down. I have been through a lot this year. It is but a poem and I know some will be able to relate to it. I am not always an emotional person so to allow my feelings to make my choices isn’t a normal reaction I have. It would have to be a very deep emotion for that to happen, love is one.”

Fighting Insanity

One moment you are standing
in the mist,
the next you are setting
in a padded room.

You can hear scratching
from old memories
running through your mind,
reminding you of old times.

You start to fade,
black and white,
the static comes through,
now voices are calling you,
but from where?

You find yourself having tea
with your shadow,
it reminds you,
you forgot your shoes.

Looking down you see
your bare feet
and then the floor begins to move,
as your feet grow farther away,
anxiety set’s in.

Heart beating fast,
faster still,
you feel like running
but you can’t move.

You’re stiff as a tree,
you look down again
and you find your are a tree.

You go from a rooted bed
to a rooted pot,
so tight you feel like
you are chocking
on dirt felled air.

All this time you’ve been asleep,
dreaming you are
fighting with insanity.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I use to hear voices and have this same exact exceptance when I was younger. One difference though I wasn’t dreaming or asleep. The mind is a very powerful tool. I had to learn how to deal with my life and physical illness. Trust me you would feel the same if you slowly lost your ability to move and control your body. Once I learned how to deal with my anxiety the voices started to leave and I quite having this experience. I am glad I got through. I am grateful to be an adult. I always wanted responsibility. It feels so good to finally have what I wanted. Responsibility and my own home. I have been living on my own for seven years now. Yay! for me.