I Am Fighting Life (Quote and definition of The Shady Rose)

“I always proof myself by defying all the odds. I am more than just a shady rose. I am a black rose amungest the red roses. ” © 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I posted this first on Twitter @GothicMuse1

Definition Of The Shady Rose

The Shady Rose is a metaphor for lier’s, dishonesty, and shady affair’s of some people.

I have been used many times throughout my life because I am a nice person and I don’t judge people. Sometimes I come across weak so there some people who think it’s okay to use me. When in the end they are surprised to find out how wrong they are. I am not weak, or weak minded. I am actually very strong welled and open minded. I also give others a chance. I try to see good in all things. I have learned that love can’t change someone else or make them what I want them to be. Love is how I feel towards them nothing more. Also I never let my feelings control my decisions. If I feel uncomfortable I will leave or I will face the situation by looking for a way to deal with my feeling of discomfort. I am known to speak bluntly, and I am not shy. Most people I know find me to be very honest and they say they wish I had my strangth or they wished I didn’t suffer so much pain. People have also told me how they think I am a merical and they look up to me. I use to tell my mom that I have a very big responsibility for being a advocate for everyone else. Doesn’t matter what you suffer from or your struggles. If I can live through brain surgery and chronic illnesses so can the world. Boop! I have something inside of me that some people don’t have. It is my will to fight and to live, to move forward no matter the size of the mountains in front of me. I always climb and I always find the top and I glide down my Mountains with ease and skill because I have learned how to fly.

I have always considered myself as a philosopher, I use to talk to my mom until 1 o’clock in the morning. I was only seven years old then. I would talk about the brain and how I thought how it function’s. I would say that I knew why I am different from everyone else, it is because of my awareness. I have a higher awareness than most people have. My brain is always mapping out the details of my surroundings. I don’t forget what I experienced either. I think that that’s what makes my IQ results unfair. Just because I remember more and understand things quicker doesn’t make me smarter. I find myself to the fool in most situations. Specially when it comes to my emotions. I am not very quick in feeling something before I respond. So when I do act upon a feeling I am slow to respond. It can confuse me if I end up crying because I am not someone who cry’s for no reason. Usually something has to touch my heart very deeply for me to feel like crying. Like my pain. I don’t usually cry over my pain. I can even talk through a migraine. And I have ocular migraines. Those are very rare and I have an even more rare type where it can parolize my face, hands, or tongue. I have sat in the hospital talking to the doctor about what I am going through while I am having a migraine. It is how I deal. I have learned how to control some of my pain by breathing techniques and talking myself out of the pain. I have done laughing yoga before too. I taught a yoga class laughing yoga and basic meditation. My class is still being ran by the clinic I started the yoga class with. Everyone who know me knows what I fight. Even I am amazed at myself today. The doctor’s told my family and myself I would never be able to live a normal life. I wouldn’t be able to work, drive, read, and write. Hey but look at me now. I am blogging, I am living a almost normal life, I can speed read and remember 100% of what I read. I even proved myself by getting brain surgery so I can live my life the way I choose. I never wanted to be rich or famous instead I wanted independence. I prayed to God he would find me away that I can live with my illnesses but still live my own adventure. So he gave me the internet and my family. I looked for two years online for answers. How do I concur Dystonia? The answer came the day I told my family I am giving up finding an answer, I am letting God handle it. I don’t care anymore. So my mom and stepdad prayed with me that night. The next morning I woke with a feeling that I needed to check my email. When I couldn’t figure out why because I usually checked my email around the afternoon. But it was pulling on me so much I ended up checking my email to find the first email I had was from a website I am still a member of today. It was an advertisement about a rare surgical procedure called (DBS) Deep Brain Stimulator. Usually used in Parkinson’s disease patiences but there were trails for using it on Dystonia patience like myself. I gave the email to my mom. After six months I was laying in the operation room waiting for the surgery. The whole thing was amazing because it went by so quickly without any problems. So for six years after I was living my dream. I was running, cleaning, babysitting, and living on my own. Today I am sick again but it’s not the Dystonia that causes me problems. I found out I have muscle dystrophy. “Myotonic muscular dystrophy is the most common form of adult-onset muscular dystrophy. Facial and neck muscles are usually the first to be affected. Facioscapulohumeral (FSHD). Muscle weakness typically begins in the face and shoulders.” I didn’t know I had this until the doctor told me. I went for testing because I was wanting to understand what is happening to me. Why did I divelop chronic pain syndrome and why am I getting weaker. I can barely lift myself from a chair anymore. I get sweaty when I do too much activity. I never use to sweat. I even thought maybe my hormones where out of wack. That came back normal. Though my muscle conduction test came back abnormal. I had two different doctors trying to figure out what they were hearing and seeing on the computer. I asked them what was wrong. They said it is an anomaly. You could hear how my muscles won’t quit moving. Which is odd because Dystonia makes the muscle to contact. My muscle do both contract but also twitch and cramp but never relax. I never had this problem before. Also the Dystonia never weakened my abilities to get up from a chair. Usually I can’t set down in a chair. I end up moving and contorting every time I try setting in a upright seated chair. I have to recline to be able to set down without contorting. I am still learning how to deal with my illnesses. I think it is just a life time adventure that makes it interesting. I am also learning new things about life and science because of my research into the biology of the mind and body. I probably could write a book. I am thinking about working on putting together my poetry and getting it published. I am in progress researching how to do that.

I hope you all the best. Be blessed and love your neighbor’s without judgement. Plus it’s none of your business what anyone else is doing. Just remember this, you are the only one and thing you will take with you when you die. Your neighbor’s have nothing to do with your choices. Also how would you feel if someone judged you and told you how horrible you are, because you don’t live your life the way they think you should? Maybe you should look at yourself before you judge someone else?

Live long and prosper my friend. Love as hard as you are able, and live life as if you are dying. Because the reality is we all are slowly dying. It is life. Live it well.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

A Note To My Heart (He Knows Who He Is)

My love doesn’t change
just because the one
I fell in love with hurts me.

What changes is my
trust in the person.

Trust is simple, elegant,
and a strong emotion.

What’s not simple is how trust
is gained, being silant,
crule,and rude doesn’t
prove you are trustworthy.

You gain trust by being open,
mindful, and selfless.

Judging someone doesn’t prove
you are trustworthy either.

How do you know if your judgements
are correct?
How would you feel if someone judged you?

You need to look at yourself first
before looking at someone else.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

This is a letter to my love Seany.
I hope he understands what he has done is bad. I hope he decides to change not for me but for himself. I love him no matter his faults. I just can’t handle the situation he has caused. I shouldn’t have to. I need to take care of myself first.

This Is An Update 

          I am not sure how to start this post so I will just tell you what I want to say.

           I consider myself very honest, up front, sometimes I can be blunt. I don’t know what others think, I don’t care to try to understand what they think. I don’t have enemies because I don’t make them. I have had bullies from high school come to me to apologise for their behavior year’s after we graduated. They told me they found me brave and strong because I never bullied them back. I actually told them I am sorry for their problems and I will pray for their piece of mind at my church on Sunday. I am glad I did because some of those people turned out to be very good people. I knew they would because I knew even when I was seven years old, that everyone is capable of being more than what they believe they are capable of being because we create who we are by using our thoughts, which comes with beliefs, views, and behavior. Also I have never judged others because I don’t know how to. I also was taught by church that God will do that I have no grounds to judge another. I would rather write a poem, blog, or draw. So when I am judged as being a cheater, a dishonest person by a boyfriend or a friend, my other friends and family members would say they are having problems if they judge me like that. Also I know a lot of people. I have collected friends over the years because I am not shy. I also never had secrets nor would I ever care too. Everyone knows who I am once they meet me. I don’t keep myself tucked under a rock. Like my counselor’s told me I am very transparent you can see right through me. I don’t block anyone out because if I did I would not be alive, I wouldn’t have gotten so far in my life if I held back my feelings and thoughts. I am disabled and I have always understood what helps me. Just like you, if you broke an arm how would you get help? Would you cry for help or lay on the floor in pain? I don’t like pain, even though the doctor’s say I have a higher talerance to pain because I have been in pain since I was around nine years old. My pain made me stronger but I had no choice to fight. There is something inside me that makes me want to keep going forward doesn’t matter how hard the road is to travel. I will climb if I have to, with my pain I still get through to the end. To me pain is not part of life’s baggage, I believe pain is part of the journey. Why else does life have pain? No one has immunity to pain. There are rare disorders that cause people to not feel physical pain but they still have the ability to have emotional pain. What I have learned with the experiences I have had is how to be more transparent and open. That’s part of the reason I started a blog. I am glad I did because I have seen and read other blogs that inspired me to keep writing and to become more diverse with my blog. I am always open to learning new things. That’s why I post about coffee, my artwork, and updates of my life. You don’t just get poetry from this blog. I am too much of a philosopher to stick to just one topic. Though I do post more poetry than anything else because that’s my main interest always has beenbut I also understand that not everyone likes my interests, I want followers that are diverse like I am; so I share many different types of post’s. I am very grateful for all my followers and those who click on the like button on my blog. You guys are awesome because my blog would be a tiny unknown blog if it wasn’t for you. I also love WordPress the software is awesome and great. If I could I would show my respect for WordPress and all of my followers by giving more than just post’s. But I am doing my best with what I have. I have also learned to love myself and that helped me to be happy with what I have now. I appreciate everything I have.

I hope you are blessed as I am blessed.

“My mom left her legacy behind by installing her strangths and beliefs in me. I will uphold what she taught me by sharing myself with you. That’s what my mom would want me to do. She always was proud of me no matter my faults. She knew my flaws are what make me strong.”

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I Have A New Store Not 100% Happy But It Will Do For Now

Hello Bat Brats,

I am so excited to announce my new store Lily Pad Stock Designs. Also here’s a product I am currently selling. You can buy this product now by clicking Buy Now below the image.

Buy Now $5

Here’s a coupon for my first time customers, one per costumer:

First Time Customer 50% Off

50% off with coupon code “50%OFF1TIME” for all products

I have more products coming soon. I am still learning how the website works. I might end up changing websites because I can’t afford the monthly payment of 15 dollars. I am currently using a free plane which is very limited. I can only put up 5 products. So I don’t recommend sellfy.com to anyone who can’t afford to pay them. I can’t even send out emails to promote my products. There are other cons about sellfy that I am not happy with. Only one upside about the website is I am able to create coupons for my costumer’s. Though I think I can do the same if I just used Blogger. It’s free and I can use PayPal too. 🤗 I will give you updates about my store as it unfolds. Thank you for reading and being loyal reads of my blog. I am very grateful for you all. I hope you have a beautiful day/evening.

 

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton



https://sellfy.com/js/api_buttons.js

New Artwork 

Hello Bat Brats,

Okay I have been working on new drawings. Here they are. I don’t like the last one but I wanted to share it anyway. Plus I am not shy about my mistakes. I blog so I can improve my work not complain about criticism. The first drawing is of my boyfriend’s cat Sassy. The second is a cartoon character I created for fun. His name is Jack. The third was an attempt at drawing Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I am in lots of pain today so the first drawing of Ariel didn’t come out very well. The drawing of Sassy my boyfriend’s cat came out better because it was the last one I drew. I love a good challenge. 😊

Meow! I am Sassy.

Hi! Fish you. This is Jack.

© By Amanda D Shelton 

Hello Autism Oh Nooooo!

Hello Bat Brats,Mandy Portait

Okay I am bored and having sensory problems today, so I have decided to share on my blog. I call this post Hello Autism Oh Nooooo! Why because it hurts and my problem is stupid overload of sensory do to Sensory Processing Disorder, which is common in people who have autism. I was diagnosed with stage one autism at the age of 30, on March 7th 2012 with Sensory Processing Disorder, I also have Savant syndrome (also known as autistic savant). It use to have a different name which is (Idiot Savant). Thank God that changed because I am not an idiot. 

                    My problems started all because I went outside without my sunglasses to help my boyfriend clean our Baby Boo’s cat box. Don’t forget your sunglasses if you have autism, it doesn’t work well or if you have Sensory Processing Disorder . I am screwed for most of the day all because of three minutes of sun exposure. Even sounds seem louder, lights brighter with a static like fuzz, almost like the static from a TV. Also my clothing is causing me to feel like sandpaper is being raked across my skin. It is slowly getting better so Yay! ♥

                  I am glad to be able to share this unique experience with my readers. I know some of my followers already know about my Autism because you have been following me from the beginning of me starting my blog. I thought it would be good for me to share more for my newer followers. It’s a bit of knowledge and awareness for you all.

Autism is a complex neurological disorder of development

              Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) refers to a group of complex neurodevelopment disorders characterized by repetitive and characteristic patterns of behavior and difficulties with social communication and interaction. The symptoms are present from early childhood and affect daily functioning.

             Not all autistic people have the same symptoms. Just like normal people we are all different, so how autism affects us will be different.  

Parts Of My story        

             I didn’t make friends until middle school because I didn’t care about making friends, because I was too busy trying to understand the other kids. I still don’t understand people. I have problems reading facial features, I have learned what certain movements mean but I am unable to tell what emotional responses are. I do have a higher awareness of my space, meaning I can sense changes in my environment that most people can’t. I can tell you the weather without looking at the news, also I can tell when it will rain days ahead. I know when someone is walking through the apartments entrance gate, and the gate is pretty far away. Sometimes I even see images in my mind of upcoming events, because my brain analyzes situations and I am able to visualize the situation with detailed accuracy. I saved my mom’s life many times because of my ability to visualize situations. Once I told my mom to pull over to the side of the road, we were heading to the beach in LA and I noticed a few things that scared me a bit. I told her I can’t keep going there is going to be an accident soon. She pulled over and a few minutes later a diesel truck came rushing by us, it hit a car in front of it and the car hit another vehicle and then a motorcycle hit the truck. We would have been the car in front if she wouldn’t have pulled over. I would have been died because lucky for the driver he didn’t have a passenger next to him, the whole passenger seat was crushed in. Mom prayed with me after that happened. It scared us both.

Boop! That’s all folks….

Until next time Bye (“sound of a door closing”).            

Hello Alice Art Collection (A Project I Am Working On)

Hello Alice Elegant Plaque

      

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       “Hello Alice, I see you… Shshshshshsh Alice is dreaming, as for me I am a white rabbit for the evening”. 

      “Sometimes you can’t hear the ticking of the clock, other times it will drive you mad. Alice is her name and dreams are her game. I am a white rabbit showing you the way. Come on down, watch your trip it’s a long way down. Here is where you will find all the clocks who lost their time. Silence is normal but not if you are a timepiece. Tick tock, tick tock…falling into silence; as madness sat down for tea at 3:08 pm.” 

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Hello Alice
Welcome to my madness

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Elegant Parchment 2

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Hello Alice

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Clock Face

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Gothic Tile Grunge Background

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Hello Alice

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“These pieces are from my Hello Alice Art Collection.
You can find more at Hello Alice Art Collection on DeviantArt. ”

© By Amanda D Shelton

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Portrait and A Poem (Happy Mother’s Day)

With every memory we made,
with every heartbeat
we gave away.
My love will never fade,
Happy Mother’s Day.


I drew this for Mother’s Day.

Pride 

“Being prideful is being sinful. Unless you balance it out well. Which we humans can’t do well. Because I am human I am incapable of being without pride. I will always be a fool because it is in my human nature to be nothing but a fool. I have a choice. I can find stability with my life by changing my point of view, or I keep doing what causes me unstable footing by keeping my old point of view.” 

© By Amanda D Shelton