I Am Fighting Life (Quote and definition of The Shady Rose)


“I always proof myself by defying all the odds. I am more than just a shady rose. I am a black rose amungest the red roses. ” © 2017 Amanda D Shelton

I posted this first on Twitter @GothicMuse1

Definition Of The Shady Rose

The Shady Rose is a metaphor for lier’s, dishonesty, and shady affair’s of some people.

I have been used many times throughout my life because I am a nice person and I don’t judge people. Sometimes I come across weak so there some people who think it’s okay to use me. When in the end they are surprised to find out how wrong they are. I am not weak, or weak minded. I am actually very strong welled and open minded. I also give others a chance. I try to see good in all things. I have learned that love can’t change someone else or make them what I want them to be. Love is how I feel towards them nothing more. Also I never let my feelings control my decisions. If I feel uncomfortable I will leave or I will face the situation by looking for a way to deal with my feeling of discomfort. I am known to speak bluntly, and I am not shy. Most people I know find me to be very honest and they say they wish I had my strangth or they wished I didn’t suffer so much pain. People have also told me how they think I am a merical and they look up to me. I use to tell my mom that I have a very big responsibility for being a advocate for everyone else. Doesn’t matter what you suffer from or your struggles. If I can live through brain surgery and chronic illnesses so can the world. Boop! I have something inside of me that some people don’t have. It is my will to fight and to live, to move forward no matter the size of the mountains in front of me. I always climb and I always find the top and I glide down my Mountains with ease and skill because I have learned how to fly.

I have always considered myself as a philosopher, I use to talk to my mom until 1 o’clock in the morning. I was only seven years old then. I would talk about the brain and how I thought how it function’s. I would say that I knew why I am different from everyone else, it is because of my awareness. I have a higher awareness than most people have. My brain is always mapping out the details of my surroundings. I don’t forget what I experienced either. I think that that’s what makes my IQ results unfair. Just because I remember more and understand things quicker doesn’t make me smarter. I find myself to the fool in most situations. Specially when it comes to my emotions. I am not very quick in feeling something before I respond. So when I do act upon a feeling I am slow to respond. It can confuse me if I end up crying because I am not someone who cry’s for no reason. Usually something has to touch my heart very deeply for me to feel like crying. Like my pain. I don’t usually cry over my pain. I can even talk through a migraine. And I have ocular migraines. Those are very rare and I have an even more rare type where it can parolize my face, hands, or tongue. I have sat in the hospital talking to the doctor about what I am going through while I am having a migraine. It is how I deal. I have learned how to control some of my pain by breathing techniques and talking myself out of the pain. I have done laughing yoga before too. I taught a yoga class laughing yoga and basic meditation. My class is still being ran by the clinic I started the yoga class with. Everyone who know me knows what I fight. Even I am amazed at myself today. The doctor’s told my family and myself I would never be able to live a normal life. I wouldn’t be able to work, drive, read, and write. Hey but look at me now. I am blogging, I am living a almost normal life, I can speed read and remember 100% of what I read. I even proved myself by getting brain surgery so I can live my life the way I choose. I never wanted to be rich or famous instead I wanted independence. I prayed to God he would find me away that I can live with my illnesses but still live my own adventure. So he gave me the internet and my family. I looked for two years online for answers. How do I concur Dystonia? The answer came the day I told my family I am giving up finding an answer, I am letting God handle it. I don’t care anymore. So my mom and stepdad prayed with me that night. The next morning I woke with a feeling that I needed to check my email. When I couldn’t figure out why because I usually checked my email around the afternoon. But it was pulling on me so much I ended up checking my email to find the first email I had was from a website I am still a member of today. It was an advertisement about a rare surgical procedure called (DBS) Deep Brain Stimulator. Usually used in Parkinson’s disease patiences but there were trails for using it on Dystonia patience like myself. I gave the email to my mom. After six months I was laying in the operation room waiting for the surgery. The whole thing was amazing because it went by so quickly without any problems. So for six years after I was living my dream. I was running, cleaning, babysitting, and living on my own. Today I am sick again but it’s not the Dystonia that causes me problems. I found out I have muscle dystrophy. “Myotonic muscular dystrophy is the most common form of adult-onset muscular dystrophy. Facial and neck muscles are usually the first to be affected. Facioscapulohumeral (FSHD). Muscle weakness typically begins in the face and shoulders.” I didn’t know I had this until the doctor told me. I went for testing because I was wanting to understand what is happening to me. Why did I divelop chronic pain syndrome and why am I getting weaker. I can barely lift myself from a chair anymore. I get sweaty when I do too much activity. I never use to sweat. I even thought maybe my hormones where out of wack. That came back normal. Though my muscle conduction test came back abnormal. I had two different doctors trying to figure out what they were hearing and seeing on the computer. I asked them what was wrong. They said it is an anomaly. You could hear how my muscles won’t quit moving. Which is odd because Dystonia makes the muscle to contact. My muscle do both contract but also twitch and cramp but never relax. I never had this problem before. Also the Dystonia never weakened my abilities to get up from a chair. Usually I can’t set down in a chair. I end up moving and contorting every time I try setting in a upright seated chair. I have to recline to be able to set down without contorting. I am still learning how to deal with my illnesses. I think it is just a life time adventure that makes it interesting. I am also learning new things about life and science because of my research into the biology of the mind and body. I probably could write a book. I am thinking about working on putting together my poetry and getting it published. I am in progress researching how to do that.

I hope you all the best. Be blessed and love your neighbor’s without judgement. Plus it’s none of your business what anyone else is doing. Just remember this, you are the only one and thing you will take with you when you die. Your neighbor’s have nothing to do with your choices. Also how would you feel if someone judged you and told you how horrible you are, because you don’t live your life the way they think you should? Maybe you should look at yourself before you judge someone else?

Live long and prosper my friend. Love as hard as you are able, and live life as if you are dying. Because the reality is we all are slowly dying. It is life. Live it well.

© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

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